Dear Friends,
I do write some poems and its actually just a piece of my feelings toward something which i belong too. It won't be nice or something to be proud of. but its a kind of sharing upon a feeling that i do believe somewhere in this universe, someone could share and feel the same.
I do write some poems and its actually just a piece of my feelings toward something which i belong too. It won't be nice or something to be proud of. but its a kind of sharing upon a feeling that i do believe somewhere in this universe, someone could share and feel the same.
It’s your biggie Day,
But I couldn't do anything, you were here but in someway,
You didn’t care,
I can't feel your existence and I couldn’t stay.
Your words brought me tears and it won’t fade away.
There are no you for me since u will never found me.
And I am gone, yet still you just let it be .
mohd hafiszudin mohd amin
0935pm, father's day.
3 comments:
Uhm... the poem is really magnificent. I just want to point out several grammar and vocabulary errors... (I'm a stickler of these kinds of things)
"...it won't shade away"
--you mean 'fade' right?
"there are no you for I since u will never found me"
--it should be 'there is no you for me since you will never find me'
"...and still you just let it be"
--there are no errors in this line but... I think if you replace the 'and' with 'yet', it emphasizes the line more. Just my thoughts, really. There really are no problems with the current line.
dear Dr,
i've read your comment and made some changes on it.
i am totally appreciated it.
Regards,
Mohd Hafiszudin bin mohd Amin
great poem..perhaps you can be Malaysian writer after graduating..starting to realize that all of us are actually talented in writing..this poem reminds me of my late father..i suddenly realize that it's almost 20 years he's been away..but the memory lives on..
Post a Comment